"Life's like an hourglass glued to the table"

Time is a funny thing. It's one of the only things that is always constant in this life, and something everyone has equal. Everyone gets 24 hours in a day, and time always moves at the same speed, in the same direction, for everyone. So why does it feel like its a chameleon devil? It always seems to change into what I don't want it to be. One instance it seems like the day just won't end, or that event coming up can't come soon enough; while the next instance I just want to hold onto a moment forever, but it slips through my fingers and goes from the future to the past without it ever really seeming to be the present.

Sometimes time feels so heavy, like I can feel its presence and weight. Yet I've also experienced the lightness and eternity of time.

Sometimes time freaks me out: I remember what it was like to be a little kid, now here I am in my 20's, married, graduated, and awaiting my next adventure, and then my mind flashes to myself as a grandma, then dead, and I think "the end is so near, I'm going to be dead before I know it" and then panic about needing to maximize my time and experience all the things in life I can; then I set goals and become extra productive for a couple days until time changes on me again.

And have you ever noticed that the the more you do the more time you seem to have? Its like I become super motivated and sufficient and can take on the world when I have more to do that can possibly be done! But when I have nothing going on I can't bring myself to do all the things I want to and need to do that I can never get to when I'm busy; I can't bring myself to do hardly anything.

I think it is very fitting that clocks have pendulums... that depicts time perfectly: swinging from one extreme to the other: too fast, too slow; too much time, not enough; burdensome, light; empty, full.

And still it never REALLY changes. It's me that does. and why is that? what makes my perspective and behaviors change so drastically? Why can't time just be what you need it to be?